We all know people in our close proximity who do us no good. They may be a family member, a friend, or even a colleague. When you think about that person they literally are a pain somewhere in your body. You may feel a weight on your shoulders when you are around them. You might get a tightness in your chest or belly. You may even get a headache or stomach ache when you are with them. Needless to say, none of those symptoms are worth having just to be around a person.

Ideally, a relationship with another person should be a give and take. Sometimes they listen, boost you up, or cheer you on and then other times you do that for them. It can happen that a particular person is a drain of your energy. You find yourself always giving to them in some way or another. You are there to listen to their stories yet they never ask you about your life. You might always be the shoulder to cry but they are not available when you need the same. They may often need a favour. Though when you ask them for one, they simply say no.

These are the people you have to evaluate whether you truly need them in your life. If they do not bring anything to the table, you feel depleted after being with them, or you feel more stressed after a visit then you have some evaluating to do. Does the relationship serve you in any way at all?

It may be worth your time to broach the subject of the imbalance in the relationship. If they care about you, often this may suffice and you should see a difference in your exchanges. If not this may cause a wedge. Can you live with that result should this arise? Personally, after having plenty of people around me that I served, I finally did clean house. I was impressed with the number of people that fell away, good riddance! I no longer feel empty after interactions with people. The remaining are my people. I have healthy relationships with my family, my friends, and my colleagues now because we keep them in balance. I also voice my feelings honestly and in the moment, not allowing them to sit and fester is key. I have boundaries and I respect them.

What difference would it make in your life to clean out some unhealthy relationships? With whom would you start? Close your eyes, can you picture a life with the right people supporting you? Why not give it a try?

As you remove toxic people from your life, you free up space and energy for positive, healthy relationships.

John Mark Green